i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
