all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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