i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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