he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
