You made me cry and you don't even care
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
