Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
