loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
