I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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