you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
