one might say we're banned from that church
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
