he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
