well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
