I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
