Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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