my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
