his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
