margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We're not piercing ourselves today.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
