Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
