This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
how drunk are you?
Several
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
