well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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