matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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