my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
