There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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