sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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