My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
