what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
