I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
