i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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