Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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