From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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