im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
