its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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