Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
