How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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