He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
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if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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