OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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