I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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