my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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