someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
