dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
