Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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