I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
