i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
