In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
