so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
