I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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