hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
