is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
