she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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