tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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