I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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