What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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