So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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