She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
