you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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