I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
