He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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