her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
