dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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