I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
