I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize