God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
