If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
