If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
