I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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