you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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