We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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