went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
