What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
