I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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