I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
