$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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