Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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