you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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