Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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